Into the blue once again

Spent a great weekend at the lake in our beloved Amie, aka sailboat and home with new found friends.

Home at the marina after three absolutely wonderful days at thenlake Vänern, felt soo good to leave the marina and heading out. We went not that far away, but far enough to feel the freedom of air and water.

We just met two absolutely amazing people Hanna and Michael, so happy and joyful spreading the love of life to everyone. I’m so grateful to have met these two guys and looking forward to spend some more time with them.

I feel like I’m so lucky to be alive and to meet all the great people that I have in my life. The more secure and loving. I become towards myself, the more loving and positive people I have met with, I thank the law of attraction for all this.

All the hard work with rhe boat has finally paid off with some bliz full days and I welcome more of them in to my life.

Now it’s time to get into bed and catch some sleep before the new week begins.

Wish you all the best and remember to acknowledge all the good things in life.

Marica

Advertisements

Bye April, hello May

When I write this it is the 30th of April and we are about to enter the month of May. This day marks the end of winter and the start of spring time in Sweden. We light fires to burn the old and to make space for the new. I think it’s a good way to mark the new beginning in the circle of life. 

In exactly a month from now we will be living on our boat, sailing lake Vänern and enjoying a life of freedom, free from ordinary things like rent and electricity bills. We do have our plan, but who knows where this adventure might end up? 

As we are getting closer to this move, to my own surprise I feel calmer and calmer. It is like all the things that I have been through up to this point has been preparing me for this. 

I think this is my way to ultimately listen to my inner voice, for all my life I have been pushing it aside and rediculed it as nonsense and wished for myself to be “normal”. But f**k it, I am who I am and this is my life. 

I might just be nice to me, find the self love for myself and just go my own way. It happens to be so frankly, the haters are going to hate even if I live a “normal” life so I might as well give them something to really hate. I love the lovers, the people who are happy and sharing that don’t se others success as a threat to their own happiness. 

The thing is, we all have the birth right to be happy, to have love and prosperity. The thing stopping us is… Ourselves! We are standing in our own way by accepting beliefs that aren’t even our own, implemented by others in our early childhood by parents and grown-ups who are impacted by their parents, etcetera. 

We have the choice to believe in them or to start questioning them, most of us for example think that we are not worthy of this or that.. We are! Have you ever seen a wild animal questioning their ability to survive? Humans think that we have to do this or that to be worthy of this or that. 

Yes, as we live today. We need to have an income to afford to consume all the luxury we created. But if we look up from our busy lives and see all the people living alternative lives, they do survive in Alaska or in the jungle in an isolated island in the South Pacific Ocean without or with small amounts of money. 

I read a line in a book some time ago, I don’t remember which book or the writer but it said: “in this life we only get as much as we are willing to let go of” 

My interpretation of this is to be willing to offer the short term benefits for the long term benefits, and if I’m not at peace with my current situation, I see the possibility that changes I make may get me to a place or situation I can find peace in. 

Let’s make this May 2017 the year and month that you spend some quality time with you, appreciate you and be your own best friend. Because if you don’t want to spend time with you, why should anyone else do? You are worthy, you are enough and you have all that you ever wanted within your reach if you only move out of your own way, by this I mean love you and allow you to have your dreams come true. 

XOXO 

Marica 

“Sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been, to stand up taller than you ever were”

Googled the phrase: “relationship changed with parents when having own children”. Found out that it is a quite ordinary thing that could happen.

I feel comfused and disappointed by the way it happened so suddenly without any warning and over a silly thing, I do know that I play a part in this, and for that I do not put any blame on you. 

I know that the way we plan and live our lives me and my husband is not the usual way to live, but it has been done before by others with and without kids. And I know it may sound like I don’t appreciate the way I was brought up when I talk about our decisions and ways of raising Pelle, but I know you did the best you could with what you had to work with and I am thankful, because it has made me the person I am today. And I do love being me.  

I wish that we could talk about emotions and ask questions when we do not understand each other and I wish that we could respect the fact that we are individuals with different aspects and point of views instead of assuming and blaming one another for “being this or doing that”. 

I look at the fact that I am falling back in the same patterns as I use to act when it comes to a conflict with you, something I’m not proud of but aware of. I tend to yell and almost stamp my feet in the ground and get so frustrated that I end the call abruptley without any warning. I find this very sad and I will do better from now on. 

I don’t know how I’m supposed to be handling this, I have been feeling a lot of guilt and shame for the way I have acted in the past when we had an argue or an issue, I’ve had the feeling that I wasn’t allowed to be angry or to raise my voice. We were not good at handling conflicts, and aren’t still. I have now learned to stand up, and to be honest with how I feel and I do allow myself to be angry and to speak up. 

Now that I feel I do have the right to stand up for me and to live life the way I want to, I believe I’m doing the right thing and are making the right choices for us. I will give my child a life of freedom, fresh air and adventure. No he won’t get to have a lot of things, because it won’t fit in the small space of a boat.  But if you are interested in being a part of his and our lives you are welcome to visit us and hopefully we can still visit you and other people we know who lives in a house or an apartment, and P can do all the things like riding a bike or climbing a tree when we’re not sailing. 

I know that all of this is a way to tell me that you are worried and that you care, but it hurts like h*ll when you told me that you couldn’t see P anymore because we will move aboard. And I still can’t see the problem with that, since we spent almost all the time of the last season in the boat. I respect that you feel that way, but I don’t agree.

I hope this isn’t happening to everyone as a new parent, it really knocks you down when you, like me, always have felt like I was having an over all good relationship with my parents. I’m sure this will solve and we will get through this stronger and more loving. 

I realize I am a grown-up now and I will handle this with awareness and love. 

Tomorrow I will make that call… 

Good night/morning, have a lovely week! 

Marica 

Sad news, letting go and heal yourself… 

 The mind told me not to write a post this evening but the heart knows it makes me feel good to share my thoughts. So I sit here in the sofa with my cup of cinnamon tea and just let the fingers write about any subjects eager to get out in text, as usual.

Today I’m in to self pity, I woke up with a sore throat and a headache which has been my companions for all day now.

It’s been a shaky week since I last posted, with a lot of feelings and emotions going up and down. I got the message that a dear friend of mine suddenly passed away, which caused me to think of what I am doing with my own life, it is a precious thing.

The trip this weekend back to the places where I spent much time in my childhood and have called home for many years made me realize that both places and people changes, and in my innocence this have never crossed my mind. I mean these places could never stop being “home”. Not for a single moment I believed this could happen, but as I walked the streets it struck me as a bullet. This place mean nothing to me anymore, it has nothing but memories of the past to offer.

This place were important to me in the past and the memories will always be in close reach. I think what I’m trying to explain is that I have changed way more than I even knew myself for the last year.

This is a new thing to me, I have kept the belief that some people and places never change, and if everything in the world goes wrong then this is the place for me to hide and seek comfort. It was a bit of a chock when the falsehood of this belief tumbled down and hit me in the head. It’s a good thing though, it’s time to let the past go and to live with less baggage, to travel light.

The lesson to be learned I think, is to never take people for granted and know when to let go of both people and places.

Of course I keep some of these people from the past that I now bid farewell, in my life and give them new roles to play and to have smaller or bigger parts of my heart to keep. And if there is people who still want to be a part of my life it’s partly up to them. I have found the key to self respect and self love and I will keep to my mission, always to do what gives me and my family the most joy out of life and I wish to have that kind of energy in my friendships and relationships with relatives as well.

Life is to short to be lived with second thoughts, or in relations that don’t bring happiness and joy. The tears are only an extension of the laughter and vice versa. Sadly one of my favorite human beings with that kind of energy that could light up a room, were in a hurry to get out of here too early. I will always love you my friend and your place in my heart isn’t vacant.

I would like to recommend a book, a “must read” if you think life is a lesson to be learned. I got this from a new  friend that I met on the internet, that has come to mean a lot to me. Thank you Laura, I’m sure angels comes in many shapes.

I’ve only read till chapter four and I have smiled through tears already, it’s amazing and gives you some insights about the most important person in your life, you. Read it, and if you can’t get a copy of it get back to me and I’ll help you.

The gateways to wisdom and knowledge are always open

-Louise L Hay

Marica